So a lot like everybody else in the world, I have many sad friends, I have many depressed friends, I have many friends that struggle to wake up in the morning and many friends that struggle to fall asleep at night. Friends, all of them are my friends, and because of that I try my best to help them in their times of need, even in times where they don’t realise they need. It’s through years and years of helping these friends with their struggles, as well as my own and noticing patterns of thinking and ways certain personality types react that I’m starting to believe that people actually enjoy being sad. Enjoyment, out of sadness, that’s a contradiction isn’t it?
Well, yeah, it kind of is, but think about this for a second. How does it feel to be sad? You get a flood of emotion, your body becomes lethargic and you don’t want to move, you self pity, you self hate, you self doubt, your breaths become deeper and prolonged, your eyes become tired and heavy, the muscles in your face all drop so you can show this cruel cruel world what it is doing to you via the expressionless, heavy, droopy, long face you wear during those times when life just isn’t fair. We all know our sad face, we know how it feels, in our muscles, and in our emotions when we wear it. So why do we do it so often?
Well when you show your sad face, and wear your emotions, you are sort of opening yourself up to the rest of the world around you that you are vulnerable. But, you’re not? You’re not really vulnerable are you? You are ultimately in control of your thoughts and emotions and if you really wanted to you could just switch them off. So why bother staying sad?
When you are in this vulnerable sad state, you open yourself up to a lot of things. You essentially invite everyone around you to actively care about you, to flood you with affection, to flood you with attention, to be concerned about you, to make you the centre of attention, yet at the same time you also give yourself this enigmatic get out of jail free card in the form of “I don’t want to talk about it”, or “I’m fine, leave me alone”, if the wrong person gives you the attention you crave. You wallow in self pity, self hatred, and self doubt in the hope that people will confess the contrary to make you feel good about yourself. Receiving this attention and affection both boosts your ego, and gives you a sense of value and purpose (things I think everybody should seek).Yet you still hold the power to deny or welcome affection, so you’re not really as vulnerable as it seems.
Now obviously this isn’t a conscious thing humans do whilst feeling genuine sadness, because that would be what we know as attention seeking. And sometimes there are cases where people feel a numb and expressionless kind of sadness through an event or situation that made them feel that way, during which they will genuinely want to be alone and won’t yearn for this love and affection. But all the other times this seems to be the general pattern.
By no means am I saying this is a bad or negative way to be, it’s actually quite devious and impressive when you think about it. The human mind has developed a way to give ourselves limitless ego boosts and value without feeling guilty or having to force it thus lose it’s genuine charm. Our minds are more amazing than we realise and this is just one example of how it’s created a way to get what it wants, without making it obvious that it is wanted. Our minds are becoming masters of manipulation, so much so that it manipulates itself without being conscious of it. Is there such thing as being self aware of your self awareness? Who knows, either way its mind blowing.
So do people enjoy being sad?
It’s a devious way to feel good.